so the power went out for like aminute but when it came back on the blender was going at full fucking speed in the kitchen so i went out to turn it off even though i was scared as shit and it was plugged in with all the switches turned all the way on and just what the fuck how the fuck did that jusst happen why wasn’t it on before the power went out i dont understand

one time i was talking to someone and i said something about ‘my internet friends’ meaning some cool people i talk to on tumblr, but the person i was talking to was like ‘oh yeah, i love that place, it’s great! i go there all the time!’ and at first i thought they were being sarcastic or something but then it turned out that they thought i said ‘my in-n-out friends’ and i’ve never been to an in-n-out restaurant but i just pretended that that was what i meant

in the dance world we don’t say ‘i love you.’ we say ‘i’m really sore’ which translates to ‘massage my butt’ and i think that’s really cool

i have serious trust issues with milk, like if it’s been open for more than four days i will not drink it

one time i was thirsty and i chugged milk out of the carton and i was eleven i think and it was so sour it had congealed into chunks and i puked in the fridge

i was making pudding earlier and i didnt know where the sugar was so i asked my mom and she brought me a clear container of some, so i followed the recipe and put two tablespoons of sugar in the pudding

except that it wasnt sugar, it was salt, and i didnt find out until i enjoyed a large spoonful of my delicious fucking salt pudding

thanks mom

one of my favorite things that happened this weekend was that ruth and i were being dumb between classes because we were tired and we were dragging ourselves across the ballroom floor like idiots and suddenly someone flops down on the floor in front of me and I look up and it was Kyle Robinson who had come in to teach the next class and he goes ”this is nice, this is almost more comfortable than the beds,” so we all had a conversation on the floor about the hotel bedding and then he got up and went to teach the class.

my mom told me that sometimes when i sleep in really late she gets concerned that i might have died and she thinks she should come check on me but then she said that if i’m actually just asleep she doesnt want to wake me, and if i’m dead there’s nothing she could do about it anyways so she just lets me be.

I remember last year at church camp when all the campers were leaving for our different locations this guy that i never really talked to much yelled across the room at me “HEY CONSTANCE HAVE A GOOD DAY.” i was like, okay, thats nice, but didn’t think more about it until i was walking past another guy who i happened to have a crush on and he says “have a good day constance.” 

im usually kinda a loner at church stuff cause i dont really have any good friends there, so im pretty sure that they had a conversation of some sort about me and pitied me enough to decide that they should reach out and tell me to have a good day and yeah then after i figured that out another guy told me to “have a nice day” and i kinda wanted to scream YEAH OKAY I GET IT YOU FEEL SORRY FOR ME I’LL HAVE A GOOD DAY, NICE OF YOU TO THINK OF ME but i just said ‘thanks’

one time  my family went to this park and went into it’s little museum and there were all these fun facts about nature and historical stuff about the park including a picture of the like 200 men who built the park way back in the day. 

my sister and i were looking at all the dudes in the picture and we found this really intense guy who we are convinced was a werewolf 

and then we kept looking and found this fella

he’s so fucking dapper

look at that fucking cigar

my sister came into the living room and said something alone the lines of  ’goodnight, happy valentine’s day’ then she hugged me, hugged my mom, went over to the tv and hugged it, then left without another word

This morning when I woke up I couldn’t feel my arm and I couldn’t see it anywhere so in my half-awake daze I freaked out and thought “fuck, MY ARM CAME OFF IN MY SLEEP” so I sat up quickly but then it slid out from under my pillow still attached to my shoulder and I was extremely relieved

this guy friended me like two years ago and i added him because we had like 75 mutual friends, but ive never talked to him ever until tonight

so one time in walmart i was taking a picture of this bathroom door because i thought it was weird that there was a lock out the outside of it, but you know how sometimes at the bathroom at the back they have that service desk and computers where you can apply for a job? well there was some guy sitting at one of those and my camera made a sound and i turned around but then the guy turned around too.

so this guys hears a camera sound and turns around to see me facing him with my phone out and nobody else around and he did this sort of concerned nervous smile so i walked away really fast because he definitely thought that i just took a picture of him and i felt really bad, the end.

one time when i was like 8 i was running down the stairs with a pencil and i stabbed myself in the upper thigh on accident and the lead is still in there and it’s a little gray dot so i guess you could say i have a tattoo in a secret spot winky face

ooookay, so i was gonna make rice krispy treats and i got all the ingredients out but then i had to go pee so i went to the bathroom and when i came back i couldn’t find the rice krispies. so i looked around a bit before asking my sister where they were. she said “they’re watching tv” so i go into the living room where the tv is

my sister is a sophomore in college okay